Think about how you think about money

October is Mental Health Awareness Month. We make the case for a healthier money mindset.

I have the privilege of having had a very money-savvy mother. This has meant two things – she has guided the way I think about money, and she has made my life much easier than hers had been, at least initially.

Among my friends, we often talk about the first and the second generation away from poverty. Academics probably speak of “intergenerational poverty”. In my mother’s case, she started working at the age of 16 to make a difference for her family; looking after her mother as well as three younger siblings, helping them to study. By the time my sisters and I were born, things had improved substantially. I remember we always had new clothes to wear for Christmas, and we had birthday parties. I never thought of us as “poor”.

This was because of my mother’s mindset about money. While the adjective “abundance” may call up ideas of unbridled richness and free spending, it’s not that at all. The website clevergirlfinance.com defines a mindset of abundance as “having everything you need and some”. Yes, this is vague, and vague for a reason. “Everything you need” can be compared with “when is enough, enough”? How long is a piece of string?

I believe each person must decide this for themselves, without looking over the fence to see what the neighbours are up to. Abundance is more about believing that there will be enough, and that plans can be made, rather than how much is in effect on the table. It’s about believing we will make ends meet, and we will celebrate our money when we can too.

The opposite, a mindset of scarcity, means you believe there will never be enough. People who believe that they will never be rich enough, will overlook opportunities, and always play catch-up.

My mother has taught me that plans can be made and the discipline of “staying in my lane”. This means it is important to stay grounded in my money matters, to understand my goals, and not be distracted about what society expects or social status demands. I have of course made money mistakes, but by now I have learnt her lesson the hard way and will stick to it.

That said, she believes in ambition, too, and what it can teach you. She has insisted on helping me even as an adult to live a better life while I worked my way up. In fact, my entire family had this mindset of sharing wealth as much as possible even if it’s sometimes for the more luxurious things in life.

They believe that a mindset of abundance empowers you to help others, too. But, that said, you can only help others if you have empowered yourself already. This is by knowledge, and making sure that you won’t get into financial trouble for helping a person. You must make sure of your own budget. By being in a decent position, you can help your family or friends better in the long run. You don’t want to end up in the same dire straits as the people you’re trying to help: You can’t pour from an empty cup.

Whenever I’ve had to help someone, I decided beforehand that I never need to get the money back. This is what abundance helps you do – believing that it’s okay to let go.

If I look back on my family’s money history, I’m glad that my mother could overcome adversities to put us in a better position. I’m glad that she has taught us the right mindset to not feel guilty when we spend money or enjoy life and how much joy there is in giving. But we also never forget where we come from and what our responsibilities are.